


Feel the burn, love the burn.

by madafred



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Baz is kinda superficial in this one but thats pretty accurate for canon so, M/M, Mentioned Penelope Bunce, No nerds allowed, THATS RIGHT FOLKS ITS A GYM FIC, They are americans and they love to get SWOLE, its all just good fun, too many dirty jokes oop, trixie is a bitch but im just self projecting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-13 05:48:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28898418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madafred/pseuds/madafred
Summary: There's nothing better than the feeling of pumping iron. I mean it.When I'm in the gym, that's the closest I get to feeling free, like flyin’.~~~~What if Simon and Baz were American dude bros who go to the same gym?
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 9
Kudos: 47





	Feel the burn, love the burn.

**Author's Note:**

> As a person who works and spends almost all of their free time at the gym, I needed to write this fic. I just thought it would be hilarious.  
> some defined terms at the bottom note in case anyone is confused about the lingo.

**Simon's pov**

There's nothing better than the feeling of pumping iron. I mean it. 

When I'm in the gym, that's the closest I get to feeling free, like flyin’

Sometimes I’ll go for a run, but I always make it to the free weights section.

Most of the time I bring Penny, she likes to make use of the cardio and smith machines (she loves a good heavy weight lifting session, and I'm the only friend she has who can spot her so we go to the gym together most of the time).

We sometimes bring Shep too, but he’s more of a yoga guy. He’s shown me a couple of neat stretches to do before my workouts, but that's pretty much it in terms of working out together with him. He’s not like me and Penny, we could spend the day here, drink protein powder for breakfast, lunch, and dinner (who cares if it doesn't have the necessary amount of daily nutrients, it's got amino acids for days).

Yesterday was abs and lower back, so I got killer aches right now, but I've got a five day workout plan I'm doing and I just can't take my rest day yet, but it's fine - today is the _real_ workout - _legs_.

I'm sure you’ve all heard it, it's everyone's least favorite day (well almost everyone's, Agatha is a real fiend for her weighted squats), but alas, it needs to be done. Can't let myself walk around lookin’ like Larry the lobster.

However my day is interesting for reasons other than the fact that I have to put myself through this bullshit, no - I also have to deal with _this_ fucking prick. I can see him now over at the smith machine next to me, which is - _ugh_ I can't even-

Look, everyone knows you skip a machine when you can, like the urinals. Nobody wants you to walk up to the pisser right next to them and whip your dick out - it's the same with the smith machines. When you see someone on a machine, you skip one.

But this wanker decided to ignore the golden bro rule and he pulls right up next to me while I'm doing my good-mornings. I hate it, or to be more specific, _I hate him_ . He’s a gorgeous looking motherfucker, long hair and thick bulky legs for _days_ . ( _He definitely isn't skipping leg day._ )

But he’s _always_ looking at me. And he’s _so rude_.

Ok, so maybe I should explain myself.

It all started 5 months ago, it was my first time at Watford fitness. My old gym had just closed and I needed a new one. This one was Penny’s usual, I remember wondering if it was a bit too cardio centric for me but thinking about it now, its weight selection is surprisingly decent. However I still wasn't too happy about being forced to leave my old gym.

I’ll admit it, because of that I was fury pumping a couple of 45 pound dumbbells for like _15 minutes_ . It was ridiculous, my arms were killing me afterwards but I was in the zone. Well, annnndddd I was too shy to leave the benches so I just plopped myself down until Penny was set to meet up with me. _That's_ where the asshole comes in.

“Wow” it's a highly sarcastic tone. “One would think a guy like you knows how to use other equipment.”

“What the hell, mate?” I looked up at the tool.

“What the hell, yourself-” he was getting impatient, I could see it in the wrinkles that formed on his forehead “- that's the only set of 45s int the whole gym and your hoggin’ em, so hurry the fuck up.”

He thinks he’s tough, but he's definitely not bigger than _me_. 

I stood up to get in his face. Not a real fight, just a bit of roughhousing. But as I looked at him I realized I wasn’t just looking at him- I was looking _up_ at him. 

_Fuck_ he’s got like three inches on me, but - yeah I’m definitely buffer than him. 

He’s got a good build, I’m not calling him shrimpy or anything, because he's definitely not, no. He’s just more toned than bulked- wide shoulders, thin but strong arms (well thin compared to mine, but I've been told I look like I could crush a watermelon with my hands, so), and legs- holy shit _legs_. FUCK his look good. 

I DO NOT HAVE ANY WEIRD FETISHES, but that ankle to calf to thigh ratio is- _MM delicious._

But god, he had to ruin it by talking.

“Well maybe if you asked politely, I would have given them to you.”

“Hm, didn't think I’d need to- what kinda freak crunches for 15 minutes.” It's in that fake genuine voice that people use, sarcastic and undermining. He looked me right in the face while he said it too, he must have balls of steel or something, no one goes up to guys like me and says that kinda shit.

Just to spite him I took the 45s with me when I saw Penny coming in. He eventually got tired of being pissy with me and gave up. By the time he came out of the locker rooms I had put the weights back, and the look on his face was priceless, his stupid crooked nose scrunched up and I saw him looking right at me, then he flipped me the bird.

Anyways, after that we’ve had a - one could call it a _rivalry_. He takes my favorite treadmill on Wednesday’s and I hog the rower on Friday’s. He leaves his shit out while he’s changing and I crank the hot water up in the shower next to his so it fucks with the water pressure, he used the smith machine next to me and I… well I'm not exactly sure what I'm gonna do today. 

Its almost like an art - _the art of fucking with Baz_ , I’m still waiting for inspiration to strike.

Penny says I should just suck it up, stop pulling at his pig tails and ask him out, but that's not what this is about at all. He’s just a dick. 

I'll say it again- I’m not flirting with him- and I don't care how hot he is. I only do this because he started this first, it's his just desserts.

( she sighs and looks at Shep next to her - _“boys.”_ He shrugs and says something like _“yeah.”_ )

Now I'm just trying to regulate my breathing through my good mornings. Breathe In while going up and breathe out while going down. This workout is tough, it focuses on the back. I’ve got the weight on my shoulders and my hands on the bar, but my back is doing all the real lifting. I bend my legs at the knees - like I’m doing a squat, but once I get my legs to a 70 degree angle - I start to bend at the waist too, until my chest is parallel to the floor, and I reverse on the way up.

I’m just toning right now, not trying for any real muscle growth, so I only have 40 on each side. I keep looking into the mirror in front of me, trying to watch my form, but I keep getting distracted. Baz is _right there_ next to me. He’s not in my personal space bubble but I can see him in my mirror and out of the corner of my eye. Which is enough to piss me off.

Jesus Christ, you’d think a guy would get tired of doing legs, but he never stops. He’s doing weighted lunges, weights on his shoulders as he steps down for each lunge. If I wasn't too busy doing important stuff - like hating him, I would be marveling at those beautifully sculpted thighs, but since I do (hate him, so, _so_ deeply), I certainly don't spend any time thinking about things like that. 

He catches my eye in the mirror. I sneer at him just because I know he’s already got one planned for me - and like magic, here it is. His pink lips curl into his famous sneer. It's not even a closed mouth sneer, it's a full on bared teeth sneer, like he's ready to start growling. 

I'd do anything to knock that look right off his face.

But the gym is a violence free zone, not hitting allowed at all on or near the premises. It could lead to permanent expulsion and termination of my membership, so I never try and push the envelope. Well not _terribly_. Only as much as he does.

In response to his sneer I just glare and turn away. No response is the most aggravating response. Also there is about 80 ponds of weight on my back and I don't want anything to disrupt it. The last thing I need is a sprain or to pull something.

From the sly looks I sneak at him, I can tell that ignoring him is pissing him off.

Once he finishes, he storms off. And I enjoy that view ( the view of him leaving and my victory over him, not anything else)

However - my proudly won victory - is short lived, because soon I see he’s brought his friends. All of whom somehow combine to form a greater, bigger, robotic - exponentially worse - super douche.

They are terrible. I mean it. If me hogging the 45s that _one_ time was bad, he and his friend are on another level. They all gather around the cable towers- use the same attachments and do reps- it’s so fucking annoying. It turns a ten minute workout into an hour long ordeal because they all need to circle jerk with the same photo. And _GOD FORBID_ you want to use the pull down bar - no- you’ll never see it because the “so much axe body spray you walk by and cough a lung out” gang are going to town with it all day. _Every day._ This whole time slot is practically blocked out because those weasels need to take photos in between every rep. What a bunch of lunks, for real-

Wait a minute! I take a page out of Baz’s book and smirk evilly with one eyebrow raised, (maybe rub my greedy little hands together as well - if I feel up to it.)

That gives me a wonderful idea.

I'm in the middle of spotting Penny, she's got 95 on the bench press and she's working herself back up to her previous glory after pausing her Tri-weekly visits to study for her midterms. I look down at her with my nasty, Baz-like smirk. She sees it and knows I’m thinking nothing but trouble.

“Whatever it is you’re thinking, don't do it, Simon.” She's got this exasperated look on her face, I haven't even said anything yet though.

“Oh I’m gonna do it, Penny, and it will be dramatic and- and-.” I’'m trying to think of the word, “The opposite of anticlimactic!”

“Climatic?”

“Yes!”

She's struggling to finish her last reps of her initial fifteen so I grab the bars lightly just in case.

The pained look on her face now has just as much to do with the absolute boss reps she's doing, as it does my tireless antics.

She finally finishes with a loud yell of “FUCK” , racks up and when she sits up she's out of breath.

“Holy shit! Simon, I'm out of it today.” She looks at me through the mirror then over her shoulders. I just give her an encouraging pat on the back.

“Time for dead-lifts Pen.’ She falls back and groans.

“I’m gonna fucking kill you.” She says through the arms resting on her face.

She can't see me but I turn and say “Feel the burn, love the burn” in her direction anyways.

While she sets up her next rack, I begin to put my plan in motion.

I see Gareth and Trixie at the front desk, it’s their shift today. I was hoping it would be Rhys- Gareth gives me a hard time usually, but I think I can sway him today. The peanut gallery in the back is cranking up the noise right now, so that should help. I shoot a look back and see Baz with his crew - Dev and Niall, as well as a couple of other unsavory characters I couldn't be bothered to think of a name for.

They are going hard with tricep reps, and Baz is sitting on his phone waiting for his turn.

I never really understood why huge groups of men come to the gym together. Like a pack of wolves or something. It's one thing to come with your bro and stick together- hell it's one thing to come with a group and all go your separate ways - that shit is palpable- if not annoying just because it's 2 pm on a Saturday and because of them the gym is packed like a can of sardines (like don't people you have better things to do? I don't - but we all know that.)

_No_ \- but as aforementioned, they cluster together like large chunks of fruit at the bottom of a terribly dispersed fruit cake. (That is not a derogatory ‘fruit’, by the way, they are all so very obviously straight - _thank the tacky outfits for that_ ).

They cluster and they fester until the peaceful atmosphere of the Watford gym is disturbed- so of course I gotta resort to the lunk alarm.

“Hey Gareth!” I say, cheery as can be.

“Hey Simon...” it’s not nearly as enthusiastic as mine was.

Trixie just waves from her spot on the telephone.

“So…” I lean on the desk and pretend to look around, “it’s busy today- I guess that's good for you guys.”

Gareth just looks at his fingernails “ …not really”

Well, hm. This guy... a real talker, surely.

I guess I'll just cut right to the chase. “Look, it's really difficult to work out peacefully with those guys making so much noise. I asked them an hour ago to hurry it up on the biceps curls and they didn't. And I really need to get in there.”

Gareth just sighs.

Trixie hangs up the phone and joins the conversation,”Oh that's Baz and his friends,” Then she stops and gets a faux contemplative look on her face.

“This wouldn't happen to be a part of your flirting thing. Y’know with-?”

“No, I don't know.” I interrupt and look at her sternly.

“Ya know the thing you do with-”

“With no one. Because there is no flirting - that’s not happening.” Now I’m getting really uncomfortable, I look over at Gareth for assistance, but he looks away uninterested. (Fucking traitor.)

She gets a real smug look, “No...yeah, the flirting you do-”

I look around as though lost and purse my lips,”Uh uh- Nothing at all.”

“-with Baz?” she asks with a dumb smile on her face.

Not that she’s dumb, noooo no, she knows exactly what she’s doing with that and for that I narrow my eyes at her.

“No, it's not anything like that-” I pause to look at her and make sure she’s actually listening “-Like I’ve said multiple times.”

Gareth, ever direct, just says “Look, Simon we have a rule, no time limits for equipment” he pauses, “That's what makes Watford so…” he twirls a finger around extremely unenthusiastically, “... special.”

“But you know you only have one rope for the biceps-”

He just cuts me off “- so don't use the rope.”

I turn to Trixie and mouth “don't use the rope- oh yeah, easy, simple” and make a face that makes it very obvious how unlikely it is for me to use something other than the rope. She just shrugs- _very unhelpful._

I miss the days when I was new and they were nice to me. This kind of attitude never flys with new members….. It's because they know if I leave here I'll be out on the street like a stray cat…. Doing reps with old milk jugs and substituting the leg press for someone's old _brake-less_ car…..

 _How cruel_. Mother scorns me.

However, like a saving grace, God from heaven himself comes down to bless me - Because one of the tools in the back starts panting like a dog in heat and slams their weight down. Obnoxiously. Like he basically fucking throws it across the room.

The noises are heard throughout the gym and everyone is looking. Finally some _real_ lunk like behavior. And Trixie hops on it like stink on shit.

“Ohhhh Lunk! We got ourselves a lunk here!” Then she turns in the front desk and finds the switch. Yes the very switch- The holy grail that I had been feverishly chasing (call me Robert Langhorn folks)- the lunk alarm.

Suddenly the blaring sound of an air horn goes off. The lights go from tastefully natural to blinking red and blue like a cop car.

God, I've never seen anything more beautiful in my life.

Trixie grabs her Polaroid camera and her megaphone.

I can see the guy who dropped the weight looking around. All his friends are ragging on him, Niall has fallen to his knees is supplication. 

Haha, no one can save you now.

Baz looks furious, and he looks right over at the front desk- to me. I give him a dainty little wave and a cute little Simon Snow smile and wink.

I should really get out my video camera and record this - but, no, no - actually I should live in the moment and savor this.

Trixie starts walking over, announcing to the whole gym, “LOOKS LIKE WE GOT A COUPLE OF LUNKS OVER HERE!”

Baz’s face is beet red. I can't help it, I start laughing.

When she finally reaches them she goes right up to the culprit, some blond guy with a shirt whose sleeves have been cut off too deep and a milk jug water bottle. _Oh this will be so good._

“Lookie here. We got ourselves a grunting - weight dropping-” she turns over to Gareth who reluctantly followed- ”but not dropping as low as the sleeves he ripped off his shirt - milk jug guzzling lunk.” Trixie really leans into it.

Milk jugs are against the rules because they are a spill hazard, and the shirt is disgusting, it's practically just a rag.

Gareth just barely graces them with his presence. He's just the lazy uncaring cop to Trixie's good/bad/crackhead cop.

“Put a real shirt on before you come in here. If i can't work out with my tits out then neither can you”

 _Oh,_ I see a couple of grimaces from the crowd. _Hm well_ , she always was a bit crude. And is that a hint of reinforcing misogynistic rhetoric I smell? Questionable tactic. But I guess she's just hitting the guy where she thinks it will hurt. Men like that can't stand being called women. Something about fragile masculinity. He looks pissed.

She’s speaking into her microphone, “Come on guys, you know the rules. No explicit or revealing clothes, no milk jug water bottles, and no slamming weights. Are you paying for them when they break? Considering your shirt _and_ your jeans have holes in them, I don't think you could afford it.” Everyone is quiet.

“Come on guys, I've had problems with y'all before. One more strike and you're out.” she turns to Baz “-all of you.”

“ Sorry, Trixie” at least he has the decency to feel bad.

“These are your guest Baz, you are responsible for them while in the vicinity.”

Then she snaps a picture with her Polaroid camera, and makes her leisurely exit.

This is a sort of formal reprimand. There are a couple of ways to get kicked out of Watford. Fighting, breaking the privacy rules, and getting three strikes. This is strike two for these guys- and because Baz’s keeps inviting them - strike two for him as well.

When Trixie comes back she flaps the photo in her hand for a couple of seconds before the image shows itself like magic, and it's priceless. Their faces - all shocked at being called out, and Baz’s silent fury. I only wish I could keep it for myself.

She tapes it onto the wall of shame- all the great lunks of past and present have their mugs up here.

Trixie leans on the counter next to me “Eh, I probably could have let them slide, but that blond fucker was the guy who was hitting on Keris last time she was here.”

I let out a chuckle and I put my fist up to bump. She taps mine with hers and Gareth just sighs “Jesus Christ”. I can feel the death stare on my back. But I’m not going to give him any attention. I’m positive I've won today.

**Baz's pov**

Simon Snow is a moron.

I'm not sure how explicit I need to be, but it certainly seems like some of the signals I've been sending ( or _thought_ I've been sending) are crossed.

Yes, I tease him, yes we have the occasional showdown. But I thought my intentions were obvious. Simon Snow im trying _desperately_ to bone you and you keep making this difficult for me.

Look, I'll start with this- Watford has been my gym practically since I was born. Its a family run business and my family has shown it unwavering support for over three decades.

I did my Karate practice here with my mother in the free section. I practiced for track nationals here on my lucky treadmill. I even have my childhood height measurements sprawled out in the men's locker room.

So - I noticed when Simon Snow walked in the first time. Jesus, I'm sure everyone did. He was like a golden beefy god - a viciously ripped David, with curls on his head to match. And I knew then that I'd have to make a move. Call it fate, destiny -the irrational and ever changing feelings of the adult male - _whatever_. I knew something was special about Simon.

I just wish I could fight off the instinct to fight him when he looks at me. He’s quite intimidating. I always felt like I needed to prove myself to him

That very first time, I had no clue what to do, it's not even like he's out of my league or anything, _we are very much in the same league._ Not an insult to him, more like a credit to me.

We are both very beautiful people. Shouldn't two beautiful people be together? I certainly think so.

Now, if he just so happens to secretly be the sweetest, dumbest, happy-go lucky goof ball I’ve ever met, well - we can just ignore that, I’m sure. (I'm still lying to myself about the state of my emotions. This definitely is not love - no no no- it's just thrilling, animal-like attraction.)

And yeah, I knew we had a back and forth - I teased him, he teased back - but I never thought he would go for such a low blow. I mean - I could get kicked out of the gym, just one more mistake.

And I thought-

Well,

I thought we had something of an unspoken agreement.

We have our little fights but at the end of the day, we both enjoy ourselves. I mean, this is fun! We’ve been flirting and having fun! I’ve even begun to look forward to his little fits he has when he sees me. His rebuttals seem to get smarter and trickier every week.

Simon, our back and forths have been such a pleasure, why would you jeopardize that.

When he leaves for the locker rooms I beeline to my ears on the ground, my secret fruity little minx.

“Trixie, you whore!” I whisper-shout so no one other than her can hear.

She's taking a sip from her water and she practically spits up like a toddler when she hears me speak.

“Shut up strumpet, stop bringing fuck face and I wont have to punish you.”

“Oh you tyrant, you power hungry fiend-” I doth bite my thumb at her

“Besides, I love being a part of your love affairs.”

“Stop-” I shake my head “just stop - wait, did he ask you to do that”

She looks me in the eyes, “He was just about ready to beg us too.”

“Why!?” I'm confused and enraged… and a tiny bit turned on by it.

“Ummm-” she bends over the counter, lips around a pen that's been chewed “, maybe because he hates you!” She puts a superficial pep into her words, just to rub it in my face.

I stop to pretend to consider it.

“Oh really, I didn't think of that one, you must be a genius.”

She’s putting on a whole dumb blonde act now “Yeah-” she’s now twirling some hair between her fingers, and, yup, she’s committed to it. “-Thanks. You know how hard I worked trying to figure that out for you, I think I need an award or something.”

“Ha-ha,” I'm sure she sees death and decaying in my eyes.

“Hahaha” she's got a snotty cackle going.

“Alright! ...enough Legally Blonde”

“You know she was actually really smart-”

Alright The conversation is way off topic but I need to defend myself “ Of course I know! I'm gay. No one knows that better than me, ‘twas a joke.”

She stops the act and turns to me, real serious, “No but for real, he’s got the hots for you, bad." she whispers and leans closer to me, “I can tell.”

“Doesn't seem like it..”

“Nah, I’m sure he just wanted me to give some light teasing. Probably didn't know I was secretly _such_ a bitch, and I want you guys gone forever.”

“Just say it to my face then..”

“You know- he's in the locker room right now, I can shove you in there and lock it, force some ‘bonding time’.” She makes sure to put the finger quotes around bonding time.

“Please don't-”, but she interrupts me.

“You can strip a little - or come out of the shower stall, sans towel, look him right in the eyes - I’m sure he'll get the hint then.”

“Oh yeah, might as well just barge in there and confess my undying love.”

“That could work too, yeah.”

“You're a piece of shit, Trixie.”

She grabs my hands before whispering, “You love me.”

I make sure she sees my grimace before I reply reluctantly, “Oh, unfortunately.”

“Baz, I’m serious, go in there right now and tell him you're into him, or I'm kicking you out.”

“You can't do that-”

“Uh, _yeah I can_ , acting wimpy is _lunk-like behavior.”_

I'm so uncomfortable,”No...” I quietly whisper. 

She reaches over the counter to hold onto my cheek.

“Yeah.” She whispers, sounding too serious for me to mess with.

“I’m- I think... I’m gonna go.” It's awkward, I have no clue if she's really joking- she's pretty fucked up in the head so she might be.

She sighs dreamily now, ”Go get ‘em tiger” and waves wistfully as I leave. Looking over my shoulder to see if she’ll crack and tell me she’s fuckin’ with me.

Right before I enter the locker rooms she yells a real loud “Hey! I better see some seriously tousled hair! And uncomfortably tight jeans.”

I turn back to her again and mouth “Oh my god, shut up!”

She just makes a clawing motion with one hand and an obscene motion with her mouth, tongue and hands after.

I can’t fucking believe her.

**Simon’s pov  
**

It's been a half an hour and there is a distinctive lack of confrontation today. 

I was sure that after the lunk alarm, Baz would have me against a wall. However my shower has gone on uninterrupted. Perhaps he’s conceited defeat.

But the opening of the locker room door sounds off with a loud bang and- ah, yes I have spoken too soon.

I'm resting in the changing portion of the locker rooms, out front of my locker in my towel. He walks in surely - like he has purpose - or perhaps a stick up his ass. We lock eyes as soon as he’s in the changing room and stare at each other briefly. His face starts off serious and pointed, but eventually he’s forced to look away.

Oh yeah probably not best to have our little showdown naked.

Or maybe I can use this to my advantage.

“Hello Baz”

He’s still avoiding looking at me, he’s beginning to choke up. _Gotcha._

“Snow” it's supposed to be a greeting but it doesn't quite meet any of the qualifications as one.

“Bad luck today, _huh, Baz”_

He’s still not looking at me but I see fire reborn in his eyes.

“What are you up to, Snow?”

I stand up and begin stepping a bit closer. I can practically see him sweat as I draw nearer. 

“What ever do you mean, Bazzy?” I fake a look of confusion, but it's also obviously sarcastic. it pisses him off so _much_.

He finally turns to look at me. I can’t help but think , this whole situation must be deeply emasculating for him. Can’t even go to the John with out some beefy naked dude fucking with him.

“I mean-” He pauses, like he’s lost at what to say, his eyes drifting lower than just my face.

God, I hope I'm intimidating. I hope he sees me and my muscles and starts quaking in his boots.

**Baz’s pov  
**

_Oh dear lord, his pecks are humongous._

**Simon’s pov  
**

He begins to stammer a bit, it's almost comedic. He just keeps looking into my eyes and back down. Not too low that it's demeaning, a respectful low. Ending at the belly button.

“W-wha-” he’s still stuttering, it's so outrageously out of character for him it's almost embarrassing. 

“-what, are you, uh- doing Snow?” Now that he's managed to spit the words out his tone is less comical and more stern. Also he asked me that already. I guess I should be nice and actually answer him.

“ I just got a shower,” I say dumbly and gesture to the towel, “and now I'm going to get changed.”

He seems to sober out of whatever stupor he was having just enough to get the words out without stuttering, “I mean- what the hell was that with the alarm?”

“Uhhh” I look around at the lockers, not sure why he’s asking, “You know why.”

“NO, I don't!” his voice almost cracks as he whisper-shouts, he looks exasperated throwing his arms in the air, “ No- no I really don’t!”

He’s not scared of me shirtless now because he walks right up to me and jabs his finger in the middle of my chest.

“We have our thing, snow. We have our tussles and our bouts- but that was serious Snow. I could get kicked out- _permanently_ ”

He looks really serious about this.

“Uhhhh-” Now I’m confused, there's a quirk of my lips when I just say a “Yeah, that's the point.”

“You-” but he’s interrupted by himself because he does a visual double take,”Wait a minute-”

He looks at me and points, shaking his finger- not accusingly, just in disbelief. Then he just pauses and puts his hand over his mouth.

“You-” he’s struggling.

I begin to rub my hands behind my head,” um yeah? Wasn't that like- what you were doing?” I paused to gesture between us, “I thought we had this whole rivalry thing. Like - you hate me.”

“Well- yeah, but also no-” now he's just turned around and not looking at me.

**Baz's pov**

Oh god, _oh lord._

What the fuck man.

What the flying fuck.

I’ve come in here and made a whole fool of myself. Here I thought we were flirting. _I was definitely flirting._

I'm bad at flirting, I know this. But I thought he picked up on it when he kept this little charade going all those months. Like really long gay foreplay or something.

I mean there was obviously some _real_ animosity behind it, but I mean _we’re in a gym of course there is._ Have you ever tried flirting with another man in a gym? It usually goes ‘ yes my bicep is big! Mine is bigger! This is a metaphor for penis, yadda yada.’

At this point I think I just need to grab my shovel and scrape the pride that Simon Snow has run over with his jeep grand Cherokee off the road, and go home. 

I’ve been so lost in thought that Simon is looking at me funny. But I guess he’s right too, I've made a fool of myself.

I meet his eye again, bite my lip and look off to the side again, because I'm a coward and nothing will ever change that. 

“Ha, uh- I think-” he keeps trying to catch my eyes again but I keep diverting them. “- maybe my intentions were not exactly clear.” I'm awkward and too loud. It's only us in here but I'm practically shouting.

He just scrunches his face in confusion. And it's SO FUFHIUDHLLS CUTEIJFFDJHF.

Oh god, I can't say it. how do I say it? I need to say something. But words aren't real, letters are fake and my mouth has stopped working completely.

I point to myself and say, “I’m gay”.

This is a huge revelation. I'm talking commandment big, and he has the gaul to just reply , “Cool,” and look at me like I'm a crazy person.

And now for some reason I'm irrationally angry. Like, is this man an idiot?

“Oh my god, Simon,” I'm over the stuttering, now talking to him like he's a child. “I’m gay-”, I point at myself. “-and I was flirting with you, like this whole time.” I say it like it should have been obvious. I mean it's perfectly logical to me. “But here I am, learning that you actually genuinely hate me.”

Now he’s just gaping like a fish, still in his wet towel with his cute face and large pecs just out for everyone to see.

“No,” he puts his hand up,” Nononono” he’s in disbelief.

He turns around to look away from me, thinking, then he turns back like he’s going to say something. Then he turns away again and puts his free hand on the locker, hiding his face.

“Um, so like don’t do that shit again-” but he interrupts me... after all that fucking time I gave him to talk.

“Nonono, no, no.” He pauses, “You-, I'm pretty sure you’ve always been a dick to me!” He points accusingly at me.

“You're lying, you must be. Did Penny put you up to this?”

“What-no! Simon, why would I possibly be lying”

“No- yeah, she definitely did.”

“No she didn’t, who even is that?”

“Oh yeah, well now I definitely know you're lying! You know who Penny is! You’ve been staring at her for weeks- with your creepy eyes.” He looks at me, disgusted.

Jesus Christ, just _reject_ a guy.

“No those creepy eyes were definitely staring at you, not whoever that is. But I can take a hint, thanks” I speak in disbelief.

“Wait-” he walks over quickly to grab me. “Why would you go along with it?”

I'm in genuine disbelief, “ I-I don’t know what to say. It really isn't that big of a deal, I'll just go. You’re _clearly_ not interested.” I just want to leave, and forget this happened. Lie in bed crying possibly. Eat a lot of ice cream then go to a new gym to burn off all the carbs.

But he’s not letting me go.

Physically,

He’s still holding onto me.

“Simon.”

He shakes himself out of whatever thought he was having. He looks down at his hand grabbing on to me and back up.

“Wait, your fucking with me, right?”

“ Oh my god Simon, I’m going to slap you.'' I'm blushing terribly.

“Well that's not how you talk to someone you fancy.” He’s getting snooty about it.

“I’m a bit unconventional.” I get snooty right back

We stare at each other a bit. His eyes are a dark and unassuming blue. I’m struggling to pin down what I see in them as he thinks. But he seems to have seen something in mine.

He lets go of my arm and begins to chuckle gently, rubbing behind his head again. “Wait, you're totally serious, aren't you?”

I slam the door behind me as I leave.

**Simon's pov**

“Oh shit!” I shout as I scramble back to my locker.

If this was a shitty romantic film there would be a chorus of uplifting yet intense music, the audience would be telling me to ‘ _go, run, chase her!”_

But this isn't a movie, there is only the sound of dripping water from the leaky faucet to serenade me, I'm positive Baz is a dude, and _I'm still naked._

But I've never shoved undies and joggers on faster.

“Wait! Baz!” I shout as I plunge through the door. I still don't have a shirt on but I don't really care at the moment. This is a trial of love- _like._

_He was for real._

I see Baz leaving through the front door and I say a little prayer for my nips because it's cold outside.

As I pass the front desk Trixie is there giving me a wink and a thumbs up, not sure what that's about, but I'll save it for another day.

I get out the door and onto the pavement when I realize I also am lacking shoes.

“Fuck! Fuck” I shout as I take each step, every one more cold ( _and somehow also burning)_ than the next. “Fuckfuckfuckfuck!”

My sounds of distress catch the attention of loads of people, that and my state of undress. Luckily enough the commotion causes Baz to slow down and turn around to look back. He sees me out here, basically shivering and practically naked, “BAZ!” I yell to him,”Stop!” I walk on my tip toes as I force my way closer.

“You loon!” he yells at me.

And I see he’s definitely not cold like me. He's got a hat, scarf, a nice puffy jacket. Booties. _Awww._

“What kinda fucking moron are you!” 

I look at him,”Wow you really are bad at flirting”

“Go back!” he shouts and points at the gym.

Hmmmm yes, the warm gym.

No, I steel myself.

“Baz, I need to say something!” I try to seem earnest. He just rolls his eyes and hits me on the arm.( _UHHHH GOD THAT FUCKING HURT MY SKIN IS BURNNIG COLD COLD COLLDD)_

 _“_ Get back inside.” he grabs me by the neck like a newborn puppy ( _STILL COLD)_ and starts to walk me inside (didn't even offer me his coat- _rude_ ).

When we get inside everyone is looking at us, most likely because of me. For obvious reasons… the nakedness and the shouting… It’s very noticeable.

He walks me back to the locker rooms and instructs me to take another shower. I'm reluctant- I don't want him to leave again, but _also_ i'm so fucking cold right now. Alright, the movies make this shit look easy but it's not, my bits are gonna fall off. When I finish he’s still there waiting. We don't talk until I finish putting all my clothes on. Good, I can't have him running off in the middle. I don't think I have another romantic gesture like that in me.

I settle on the bench beside him and look over to see him looking at me.

“Thanks I guess.”

“Yeah, well don’t be a fucking moron next time”

“AH, well I had to stop you! I- I couldn’t let you leave, just like that.”

“You probably should have. It’s cruel to give me false hope.”

I look him in the eyes. “Are you really for real about the flirting stuff?”

“Ok-” he stands up to leave.

“I mean it- Baz!” I grab onto him.

I need to know if it's true, but I don't know if I can just let myself assume, he needs to say it. He must see that on my face. I probably look stupid or something.

“Yes.” he sighs, plopping back down. 

He’s still in his coat and booties.

I let go of him to scrub at my face vigorously.

“Ugh! Baz you must know that's so hard to believe!”

“I don't see why...”

“you would look at me, and you would _sneer_. S-N-E-E-R. In disgust!”

He turns away dramatically , “We all express affection in different ways.”

“Um, yeah and your way is just confusing as hell!”

He turns to make his point, ”Well! What about you! You were back flirting with me!- Flirting me back-…flirting with me back!” he purses his lips and it looks like his soul has left him.

I have to laugh at him and his slip up.

Now he’s adorably fuming.

Man, I've gone soft on him.

He’s so cute like this. Soft.

The more I think about it, the more I realize the thoughts aren't entirely new.

To be honest I'm thinking back to a moment right now- it’s not related to this event or our conversation at all- but I just can't help but think of it. 

It was 3 months ago, Baz was in the free section and he was doing step ups on a movable platform. I remember watching him during this moment and seeing him struggle to adjust the levels. He was tugging on the lever, throwing his whole weight into it pathetically, but he just couldn’t get it to move. His face scrunched up at his nose and he got a pout. Kept stomping around, not willing to admit to the staff that he needed help.

It was then, that was the first time that I thought about it. _He’s so cute._ But he hates me.

However I guess that's not true is it.

Against myself and my best wishes, I smile.

“You’re a moron Baz.” I say as I reach my hand up.

“ _You’re_ the moro- what are you doing?” he looks at me as my hand comes up to rest on his cheek. He’s still a tiny bit cold from outside.

“I- can be moronic sometimes, just as much as you.” I begin to say.

“Well, you're definitely more of a moron than me- '' he says before I put my thumb over his mouth to shush him.  
“What did you say? Morons can't speak.'' I say as I shush him. He doesn't look amused. I try to say something again, but he takes off his glove and shoves them in my mouth the next time I open it.

“Uhghksd” I cough as I spit it out.” Ew Baz, what the fuck?”

“Morons can't speak.” It's said in a cute light voice, so obviously making fun of me, but lacking any heat. God he’s so infuriating I just wanna punch him.

Instead I lean in and whisper “ Can I kiss you?”

He closes his eyes, ”Took you long enough you dunce.”

**Author's Note:**

> Smith Machines: a weight machine used for weight training. It consists of a barbell that is fixed within steel rails allowing only vertical or near-vertical movement. Some Smith machines have the barbell counterbalanced. ( used often with bench presses- in fic used on shoulders)  
> cable towers: a large piece of gym equipment that has adjustable cable pulleys. The resistance of the cables allows you to perform numerous exercises in a variety of directions.  
> Lunk: an annoying guy at the gym, or someone who does intimidating things like grunting, dropping weights, showing off muscles.
> 
> Axe body spray: obvious if American- known as Lynx in Britain
> 
> Dead lifts: a work out done by using long barbells( such as ones on smith machines) to work out different areas of the body, usually lower back, glutes and legs.  
> Good mornings: the work out Simon was doing, working out middle/ upper back.  
> Lunk alarm: a fun thing that actually exists in my gym. Its mostly just a joke, and I've obviously exaggerated things for the sake of comedy.


End file.
